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Disclaimer: This article is in no way an incentive for anyone to try any legal or illegal substances. It has been written for educational and harm reduction purposes only. If you have any health conditions or are taking medication, DO NOT take these substances without first doing your own research, and talking with your doctor or healthcare professional. WOOP also advises our readers to take a further read in this article about the synthetic version of 5-MeO-DMT.
Growing up in the patriarchy as a woman is confusing, that’s a fact. We’re all supposed to be perfect, soft-spoken and well-mannered porcelain dolls unshaken by our environments. We are of course expected to have everything under control at all times, because God forbid, we ever become too wild that we are somehow deemed uncivilised by the world. Silencing our inner fire all in the name of preserving the image of the supposed “perfect woman”. So instead, we hide it. We place our power into a chest, throw away the key and bury it away so deep that we forget we ever even had it in the first place.
Of course, we must make sure we did the job right, so we put our costumes on for the world, ensuring society that it is contained. We paint our faces with exotic colors, making sure to mask away any imperfections, strap on our bras binding our expressions of the feminine tightly to our chests and if we want to really seal the deal we slap on a societal symbol of power such as some stilettos or a perhaps a designer bag to confirm how okay we are with all of this. If we are fortunate, our domesticated facades will award us the status of a functioning member of society but furthermore as a true representation of what a “real woman” should be.
These ideas of what a woman should be, have locked us up, pitted us against one another and drove us to the farthest reaches of our divine truth. As little girls, we have grown up confused about our own bodies, comparing ourselves to the Hollywood women in magazines and then subjecting ourselves to all sorts of torture to attain these images of perfectionism. Our voices, better seen and not heard, have been silenced time and time again in the shadows of the all-powerful man. Our sacred bleeds are promoted as something dirty that needs to be hidden from the eyes of the public, all while our divine sexuality which is the literal reason for life itself is both over-sexualized and shamed distorting our relationships to our sacred feminine.
For most of my life, I hadn’t realized how disconnected I was to my feminine. I felt lost, out of touch and confused about who I was. In what seemed like an endless search for my truth, I resorted to wearing many different hats. I’ve played “the innocent good girl”, “the rebellious rule-breaker”, “the extravagant posh one”, “the free-spirited wanderer,” and many more to no avail.
No character that I attempted to play brought me any closer to this longing to remember who I was, to remember my feminine power. As I sifted through a rather large pile of hats searching for my answer, I eventually found my way to psychedelics and for over a decade I worked with many different medicines, teachers and curannderos allowing me to go deep into my own personal path of healing, growth and transformation.
My answer came in the form of 5-MeO-DMT, which was known in the psychedelic community as the medicine that in its peak experience results in the classical Ego-Death. I was terrified yet committed. The facilitator insisted that the women go first, so we didn’t chicken out, go figure. So that’s just what I did. Actually, I went first and when the pipe found its way to my lips the facilitator asked me if I was ready. My mind was screaming no but my heart was screaming yes, so I took a mighty inhale.
Suddenly I entered the eternal womb, void of all time and space. I was everything and nothing, cradled by the infinite unconditional love of the archetypal mother. As I dissolved into her infinite ocean every hat that I had ever worn could finally be put to rest. I was revealed “Gnosis,” an alchemical word for “knowledge through experience” and I suddenly knew, not conceptually but in the deepest depths of my spirit the great remembrance. I remembered who I was. I was eternal loving awareness, infinite and boundless. The power that I had unconsciously suppressed for so long was awakened and my spirit finally felt wholeness.
After my return home, my perspective on life had drastically changed. Including my image of what a “woman” really was. I entered into a falling away where almost every part of my identity crumbled to pieces. I stopped wearing makeup, gave away almost all of my clothing, sold my sports car and no longer had any interest in anything that didn’t have to do with the infinite truth that I had just experienced. I stepped into the role of an observer and began to inquire into the intricate dance of life. I had died and was being reborn in a very literal sense. It was wildly beautiful, painstakingly messy and chaotically orgasmic.
After many more journeys and transformations, I began building a deep and intimate relationship with 5-MeO-DMT. Eventually, I found my way to the path of service, where I stepped into the role of facilitating its beautiful medicine to others. As a result of dedicating myself to service I had promised to always focus on doing my own personal work.
I used 5-MeO-DMT and integration as a tool to dive into my own inner workings and see which unconscious stories were ready to be made conscious and left in the fire for transformation. As each layer of untruth dissolved away, glimpses of a new woman began to emerge. She was strong, intuitive, grounded and deeply connected to nature. She loved her body, trusted herself and was no longer afraid to use her voice.
I began to remember in the deepest sense what it really meant to be a “woman” and a primal longing from within my heart wanted this for all women on the planet. It was at this moment that the idea of an all-women’s retreat with 5-MeO-DMT was birthed. On June 13-19th 2022, Colette Condorcita and I will be hosting “The Strawberry Full Moon Gathering,” at Tandava Retreats in Tepoztlan, Mexico to honor the feminine.
Open to all female-identifying beings, the week will be packed with many offerings from feminine embodiment workshops by ourselves and other women in the community to a full moon cacao ceremony, traditional sweat lodge, mountain offering ritual and so much more.
We are at a time in human history when the feminine spirit is awakening in each woman. She is ready to dance, inspire, scream, play and let it all go. She cannot be tamed and there is no stopping her. Her time has come. Come join us in a safe space to explore your feminine spirit to the fullest extent. Be seen, held and received by your sisters in your authentic expression and power. Together we will celebrate the ecstatic nature and blessing of being in this feminine form. We look forward to healing, growing, transforming and playing with you! About the Author: Victoria’s first introduction into the world of healing was through plant medicine. Knowing she had found her path, Victoria explored the world, working with different psychedelic plant medicines over the span of a decade, with both indigenous and modern teachers. After taking time to honor her own process and growth, Victoria stepped into the role of a medicine practitioner. In early 2019 she completed her Kambo training and certification through IAKP in Thailand. Later that year, Victoria then completed her first training with the powerful medicine 5-MeO-DMT.
Victoria is the founder and president of Kaivalya’s education platform F.I.V.E (5-MeO-DMT Information and Vital Education). Her mission at F.I.V.E is to provide the world with a centralized hub for all resources and education on 5-MeO-DMT, in hopes of bringing awareness to the ethics, integrity, and the safety of 5-MeO-DMT.