FINDING WONDERLAND - A SERIES OF WOMEN'S PERSONAL STORIES
TO DESTIGMATIZE AND NORMALIZE THE USE OF PSYCHEDELICS
Wonderland #1 Luciana Comas Bitz
Luciana is a yoga teacher and ex-photographer that has experienced the creative and healing effects of psychedelics.
Magic truffles helped her discover full love and acceptance for herself, and here she shares the photo essay that was created in those profound moments.
Luciana hopes that sharing her story and her art can help demystify the use of psychedelics, and that others can find out more about its incredible power to heal one’s relationship with the self.
In my first psychedelic experience, I was with my boyfriend. It was the first time for both of us, so we did a lot of research online.
I learned that being surrounded by nature was recommended as it could have a very positive effect on your experience.
The first experience was really emotional, it connected me back to deeply buried parts of myself. The longing for my language; the people, sounds, smells I was missing, and ways of feeling myself.
Another hour later, the image of one of my dearest friends back home in Argentina came to me, and a strong urge arose in me to speak with her. So I called her and started sharing my experience with her.
Inside my mind, it was like seeing the Sagrada Familia´s ceiling upside down from the inside, with pink and purple colors. There was no ground inside my mind, just the deep dome structures, color, and sunlight coming through those peaks.
I especially felt that the sadness came from realizing that I was missing parts of myself that were no longer there. Even though I was still me, it felt like I had lost or forgotten some part of my essence. But now, suddenly, I could feel them, even grasp them once again.
I couldn't understand why I let those beautiful, personal parts of myself be hidden away with so much shame or fear. My sadness and longing turned into anger.
I was angry, so angry at the pain I was feeling. Why did we have to choose to be strong, cautious, or responsible over the parts of ourselves that are beautiful and the key to our happiness?
I missed the artistic, funny, silly, Latin, sexy, sensitive, emotional, and vulnerable parts of myself. I just wanted to be me again, and allow myself to be held by others. I realized that I had lost myself - it was as if I was dead. All the sadness, anguish, and anger I felt was me mourning my own death.
Wanting the pain to stop, I started to punch the floor, the grass, and the earth with my bare hands. During this whole time, my boyfriend stayed close to me but didn´t interfere. He knew I was going through something very deep and emotional but instinctively allowed me to go through my process.
Having someone you deeply trust is very important when doing psychedelics. When you know that you are safe, you can really allow yourself to experience it fully without trying to control or hide anything.